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I like that someone said they should've just spent their money at the casino rather than pay to see Charlie Sheen live. The random "bloop bloop bloop, beedle dee beedle dee" noises a slot machine makes are apparently more worth listening to than Masheenisms at this point.

My idea for a movie is DOG WONKA. A crazy poodle leads a group of obnoxious puppies in to his milkbone factory, and drowns them.

I'm wearing a t-shirt that says "Trust me, I'm a Dr.," with a cartoon can of Dr. Pepper wearing a stethoscope.

Acceptable pick up line: "Nice shirt."
Questionable line: "Are you really a doctor?" (Said a little too hopefully, I might add.)

Acceptable pick up line: "Ha! That's funny."
Questionable line: Saying nothing and just grinning at my chest.

Acceptable pick up line: "I am enjoying the joke on your shirt and your breasts at the same time, this is a social contract we both entered in to -- you by having boobs and wearing a funny shirt, me by having eyes."
Questionable line: "I'm just... finishing... reading... that last part... about... Yeah."*

*All of these questionable things happened to me today.

We were talking about Passions on last week's podcast and someone said "Suddenly, there are four Ben Franklins!" Now I want a show with all Ben Franklins.

According to Franklin
Are We Franklin Yet?
The Ben Franklin Theory
Two and a Half Franklins (one Ben Franklin is a midget.)

So, not only did someone choreograph a dance tribute to benefit Japanese Earthquake victims to the song "Landslide," but our A.P. thought that that needed to be the nats off the top of the V.O.

Honey, No times 2.

The combination of allergies, my own clumsiness, and thorny rosebushes means I look like I've been attacked by a mountain lion.

I'm pretty sure when you wrote "BURN IN HELL FAGS" on that barn you torched, God looked at the 8 innocent horses you killed -- including a one week old colt -- and took special note of your names and forwarded them to Hell's "ironic punishments" department.

Holy Crap.

If I want to be in your Arts and Crafts Show, first of all I have to apply for next year because even though it's not until August, you're already booked up. Second of all, you're making me compete in an art contest? And every category I plan to sell artwork in (oils, acrylics, watercolors, etc.,) I have to compete in that category in the art contest. Which is like a $20 "judges" fee each time.

And, I have to include photos of previous booths I've had. What is that about? To prove I know how to set up a table and hang some paintings? I'm pretty sure it's just to make sure I've got plenty of paintings of horses, thereby ensuring I fit in with your ideas about art.

By the way, what the shit.