You notice how most Irish Folk Songs are about whiskey? They're not all bad, the Irish. They just want to have a good time. But we gave them a lot of crap when they first started arriving here. And there's nothing wrong with the Irish, they were just something new to resent.

It's like goths, really. They were kind of weird and we were mean to them because they acted sort of dark and mysterious. But compared to what came next, goths are the life of the fucking party. Next we got emo's, who are miserable little shits, and -- worse -- then we got hipsters, who are miserable little shits with money.

There is nothing more frustrating than someone who is just beyond help, and an emo kid will never be happy. Everything makes him sad and everything makes him loathe life. But at least that's tolerable when you realize they'll have to eventually grow up and get a job or die alone on the streets, and maybe like four percent of idiot teenagers actually choose to die in the gutter.

With hipsters, they can afford to never stop pretending like the things you enjoy are lame, but then also still enjoyable. Just admit it, hipsters. You like stuff that other people like, too. And if you weren't such assholes about it, we'd give you a day to celebrate with cheap beer and excessive vomiting.

Oh, and with songs about the cheap beer.

And how all women are scheming liars.