me: STRIPPER 101! You and I will have to sneak off to stripper class. At the completion of the class each student receives a certificate establishing them as a 'genuine Las Vegas stripper.' ndividual photos and group photos are also taken and are available to purchase after the class." YES! Certified!

Piehole: OH. MY. GOD.

me: The basic "package" includes the certificate and a free drink. Ha ha ha! They have to give you free drinks at stripper class.

me: I want to crash stripper class. We can do a team performance. I will beatbox and you can do the worm. We will confuse them. Or we can strip to the theme from the Patty Duke show.

Piehole: Ooooh! Can we wear big ol' 50's dresses with crenolines and wide headbands and pearls?!?

me: Just the pearls. And little white gloves.

Piehole: I thought maybe we could strip down to our sacred mormon underpants. And vacuum.

me: Or use pledge to polish the pole.