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September 2007 Archives

September 5, 2007

Dear Tony Bourdain:

I've got ideas about a new type of "fusion" cuisine. I call it: Pan-Asian Bavarian.

Menu items could include:

- Salmon and Saurkraut
- Bratwurst and Coconut Pineapple Rice
- Liverwurst Potstickers
- Pretzel Bass
- Duck Sausage (In Green Tea Sauce)
- Octopus over Boiled Potatoes (with Mango Gravy)
- Mustard Eel
- Kale-style Kale (In Kale Sauce)
- Sake Beer

I of course know nothing about food, except how delicious it is when I eat it. However, if you are interested in investing in this idea, I will endorse it with Racheal Ray-like enthusiasm.

Sincerely,
Lemongrass Corned Beef

September 13, 2007

I'm Qualified To Consult Your Sport

I took a "career aptitude" test today. Top ten results:

1. Photographer
2. Set Designer
3. Costume Designer

Good, good. All jobs I have actually done or have been trained for.

4. Addictions Counselor

Uhm, what?

5. Clergy

What? Okay, apparently even internet quizzes know I don't get laid much. Great.

6. Sport Psychology Consultant

This one just sounds fake. Or a code name for "Bookie."

7. Cable Installer and Repairer

Again, job I've actually done.

8. Psychologist

Right. That takes like, what? Eight years of training? I'm a college dropout, by the way.

9. Special Effects Technician

Why, I do like to blow shit up and play with fire! How did they know that? There wasn't a question that asked: "Do you like making things fall down and/or explode?"

10. Art / Music Therapist

Oh, bullshit. This sounds like some new age mumbo jumbo. "Let's alleviate your manic depression through the sounds of Wagner! And then we'll finger paint! I actually have no formal training despite what #8 says!"

My actual job, film/video editor, was not even listed at all. And then my hobby was ranked #17: Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator. Apparently I'm not apt to do the jobs I actually get paid to do. Not surprising, actually.

September 25, 2007

Memo to Gamers

Re: Halo 3

Nerds! Dial it back! Jesus.

UPDATE: To clarify, there are "gamers" who waited in line for THREE DAYS to be the first to purchase A VIDEO GAME. Hooray!!!!!!

September 28, 2007

Nova Scotians Drink for Free

kiefer.jpg

I don't think the alcohol limit for Americans should apply to Canadians. They're already like, .06 B.A.C., even when they're sober. They're like Russians. You can't expect them to stay warm any other way when they're that far north of the equator.

Seriously, figure it out, scientists. If you're, say, 45° or more North Latitude, your "sober" blood alcohol level should start somewhere around .02. (I think this figure might also include some Michiganders from the Upper Peninsula, and possibly some from North Dakota/Minnesota/Montana as well -- but I'm pretty sure that it would accurately reflect their alcohol tolerance level, anyway. I mean, have you seen a winter in St. Paul? Christ.)

About September 2007

This page contains all entries posted to Blog in September 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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