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The boy person has evacuated our abode for over 96 hours in an attempt to play as much golf and burn as much exposed skin as possible.

I have become unbelieveably bored in this time, as I've done everything there is to do: Laundry, dishes, reorganization of the cd rack. I wrote a book. I stared forlornly out the window. I rented bad Jason Statham movies. I read a bunch of old books (then I reorganized them.)

I seriously considered baking something. Then I seriously considered writing a screenplay about a dude. I sent approximately ten bajillion text messages. I got interviewed for this thing.

Anyone have any suggestions?

These days, wouldn't any sort of navigation system count as a conversation-having car? I mean, it's not much of a discussion, but it could be if you were creative enough. Like if you reprogrammed the GPS to respond to the name "KITT."

"KITT!! WHERE IS THE DONUT STORE?!?!"

"Turn right, one hundred feet."

"KITT, THIS DONUT IS GOING TO EXPLODE!"

"Turn left, five hundred feet."

I like movies where things blow up, people get killed, stuff happens rapidly, and Dwight Yoakam gets all the hilarious and understated roles. I also like pornos.

This movie pretty much had all of that.

By the way, Amy Smart: Do you even have an agent? Remember when you did Scotland, PA and Varsity Blues and those movies were great and you got paid to be in them, too? Remember that?

This movie started out all awesome, with people looking awesome and awesome little animations and funky stuff, and awesome Ving Rhames. And I thought to myself: "THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME. LOOK AT THE SWING DANCING TO OUTKAST MUSIC... AWESOME!"

And then somewhere around the hour fifteen mark, I woke up and asked myself: "Why were the first twenty minutes so awesome? Oh yeah: Ving Rhames."

Spoiler: Ving Rhames eats it after the first twenty minutes. Also, all my favorite songs that were supposedly "Idlewild" soundtrack songs that came out before the movie WEREN'T EVEN IN THE MOVIE.