From:Assignment Desk
To: Employees
[Redacted Name], phone number XXX-XXXX of [Name of City] called to say that two girls in a black pickup pulled up to her porch and stole one of her dwarfs from her snow white and the seven dwarfs display. Apparently the mail deliverer saw this transpire. Anyway, these things are 2 feet tall and the girls stole "Dopey". [Redacted Name]'s husband got these statues from his mother and is quite upset about the loss of "Dopey". The set is valued around $700. She has pictures of "Dopey" as well.

From: Me
To: Employees
I can not believe this. This is the best story I've ever heard. We're going to win an Emmy! Let's put it in the lead right away. Send the chopper out, too. I won't rest until we've got team coverage. Can we get someone to work the Jesus angle on this? Does God hate lawn dwarfs? Tonight at eleven. Also, I want a flashy graphic created right away: Diabolical Dwarf-napping Duo. I don't care if the Art Department went home. Page someone. We need graphics.