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Save your $9.50 and rent Ocean's Twelve when it comes out on video, if you feel you must see it at all. Halfway through this piece of celluloidal waste, Dan turned to me and said "So... I guess Steven Soderberg didn't direct this." At about two hours, I looked at Dan and told him that I was bored and asked him "How much longer?"

His response was "Only three more plot twists."

Weather Forecast: Between two and twelve inches of snow for today, with freezing rain on and off until Thursday.

Him: "Two or twelve? What the hell?"

Me: "That's just the difference between 'Goddamnit!' and 'HOLY SHIT!'. Welcome to Ohio."

HEY! GUESS WHAT!

Guess what it's really hard to do without electricity?

EAT! And WATCH TV! And CHECK YOUR EMAIL! And SLEEP (to some extent,)! BECAUSE THERE'S NO HEAT! OR LIGHT! AND I CAN'T GET MY FUCKING CAR OUT OF THE GARAGE!

Because garage doors need ELECTRICITY to work! HOORAY FOR SCIENCE!

I thank God that we still have hot water, and took a very very long shower to compensate for having no heat for over 14 hours. And, actually, I still have no heat.

But the good news is -- WE PROBABLY WON'T HAVE POWER FOR ANOTHER THREE DAYS! AND ALL MY FOOD FOR CHRISTMAS IS GOING TO SPOIL! AND THE FIREPLACE DOESN'T GET CLEANED FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS SO I'M GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH! ALSO, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR PIPES TO BURST? BECAUSE MINE ARE PROBABLY GOING TO!

The super good news is, this hasn't stopped me from going in to work! Someone picked me up in a news car. Yay for someone, because now I get to freeze and starve and GET PAID FOR IT! BECAUSE IT IS SO COLD IN THIS EDIT BAY I FEEL LIKE I'M AT HOME!

HOORAY!

...i'm going to go scavenge the vending machines for sustinence.

I have just had the best cookie I've ever eaten in my life.

It was chocolate with pink peppermint stick frosting. Both delicious and aesthetically pleasing.

In other news, still no power, and I just dropped $20 on a flashlight because Radio Shack was the only place open.

It is going to be BITCH TITTY ASS COLD in my house. I may actually try to start a fire in the fireplace. Wish me luck.

OH MY GOD THE POWER IS BACK ON!!! I THINK I JUST HAD A HERNIA FROM SHOCK AND HAPPINESS!!!

In other news, Dan is home, so now I have someone to snuggle.

Also, one of the photogs here brought in a bag full of wrapped toys for all of us adult types to appreciate in a mature manner.

Which means I was screaming "NO FAIR! SCOTT'S PADDLE BALL IS SPARKLY AND LIGHTS UP!" while others where throwing Super Bounce Balls at one another and putting together glider airplanes and sticking Silly Putty to the wall.

I have become the nerdiest nerd who ever nerded on the face of the Earth.

For Christmas, Dan bought me Zelda: Wind Waker (or Wind Wanker, as GW likes to read it.) I promptly went online, printed out an 80 page walkthrough manual, complete with ASCII version of the Zelda graphic on green card stock (for a cover), three hole punched it, and put it in a hard cover binder.

Because, what is the work, if not a place for stealing office supplies?

I'd like to thank everyone who emailed and left comments hoping I got power and wishing me a Merry Christmas. I love ya. Thanks for helping me hang in there during the freeze-your-ass-off burn-things-to-survive phase of my life. It was a lot like Survivor, only instead of getting a million dollars at the end, I got my period.

Since everything in the fridge had spoiled, we found the only place that was open for groceries... Walgreens. After getting milk and eggs and tampons at the drug store (what the fuck? Bacon and frozen pizzas? Shouldn't you guys just have painkillers and shampoo?), we headed for the China Buffet. We opted to not join in the buffet, and instead brought home more take-out than two people should be allowed to. I think my stomach is still very angry at me for how much orange chicken I stuffed in it. But it was delicious, no matter how un-Christmas-y it felt.

Plus, a new tradition was born in our house. It will now be customary to substitute midnight Christmas Eve Mass ("service", for us Protestant types,) with a viewing of "The Princess Bride." Hopefully a DVD copy is purchased before next year's showing, because the VHS is starting to wear a little thin at the "Let me `splain. No... there is too much. Let me sum up," part.

I just witnessed a conversation between two co-workers about how disgusting their fiancees are because they went out and spent hundreds of dollars on generators. And I viciously quote:

"I don't have a rug for the entry way, but we have a 5000 watt generator that we won't even need!"

Okay, listen. I'll gladly trade you the rug in my front entryway for a generator any day of the week. If Dan made a random purchase and it was a generator, I'd hug him. Because I actually spent three days with no power. I don't care if it sat in the basement for fourteen years, I know how much it sucks to wait a few days for the power to come back on.

Let me tell you how cold the house gets in less than 72 hours. THE TOOTHPASTE WAS FROZEN IN THE TUBE.

I caught the discussion while I was putting away a fire extinguisher I stole borrowed from the station so that, if for some reason my attempt at caveman living went awry, I could at least put the blaze out before it destroyed the house. See, I was so cold, I set a small fire in the living room to keep warm. IT WAS THAT COLD.

Remember how I said I'd have electricity? And time off?

Well. I'm at work today. And guess where the power is.

Answer: It's not at my house.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

So, instead of doing a year-end recap like the rest of the blogging community, just know this:

Pretty much everything that happened in 2004, SUCKED MY ASS.