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What in the name of God posesses you to think you could flush a tampon? For chrissake, there's a separate little trash can in every stall for exactly the purpose of tossing your junk when you're through with it. It's not embarassing to use the rag can, that's what it's there for. When the janitor goes through at night and empties it, he's not expecting candy to fall out of it, he knows what's in there.

60-some percent of this stupid state decided they hate gay people, and smoking.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SMOKE A CIGARETTE AT A GAY WEDDING, PEOPLE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK?

"Please put away the Brita pitcher."

"Okay. Where does it go?"

"You've lived here how long?"

"Let's pretend I already know where it goes, and I'm testing you."

"Okay. It goes on the top shelf, the one I can't reach. The box is already up there."

"Why are we putting the Brita pitcher back in its box? It takes up more room that way."

"BECAUSE I'M STUPID AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A CABINET, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? FINE! PUT IT BACK WITHOUT THE BOX! SEE IF I CARE!"

"Okay. Where'd you say the box was, again?"