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If I ever hit the lottery, I'm going to open my own chain of themed restaurants. They'll be called "Machete Jack's," and the theme will be "Ultimate Torture and Humiliation."

Just imagine what Family Fun Night would be like at Machete Jack's! All whips and chains! Plus, kids under 5 eat free!

This is Hebbufer! Aren't you excited?

So anyway, I'm sitting at work and I get this phone call from Bren, and unlike Monday's phone call from Bren which resulted in me screaming in laughter while my co-workers stared at me, I just screamed "YAY!"

And I only gots so much time to tell you, so I'll be brief:

Yay!

Went to rock show last night. Got drunk. Banged some heads.

Dan screamed "STOP SUCKING!" at the stage, because they are our friends and it's funny to make fun of your friends, except right after he said it the room went quiet, and the band actually ended their set right then due to technical difficulties. We felt the searing eyes of the disapproving crowd upon us, so Dan exclaimed "I DIDN'T MEAN IT! KEEP SUCKING!"

One time I asked a guy I was dating how carnal relations with me compared with his previous girlfriend. His response: "Well... It's definitely different."

So I guess vaginas are like snowflakes.

We drank all weekend and I managed to run my credit card up over its limit buying firewood and booze.

All in all, it was pretty fucking sweet.