"But we must never forget that the real news is on local TV, delivered by real officially licensed newsmen like me, Kent Brockman. Coming up, how DO they get those dogs to talk on the beer commercials? Cowboy Steve will tell you!"

"I'm Kent Brockman, on the eleven o'clock news tonight: A certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sunny Storm."