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"Hey. Where were you all night?"

"SECRET SOCIETY MEETING!"

"What? On a Monday Night?"

"SECRET SOCIETY NIGHT!"

"Well... Why are you wearing a suit?"

"SECRET SOCIETY DRESS CODE!"

"Ohio isn't the best state in the whole world, but it's not as bad as some. It COULD be West Virginia, you know. Or, God forbid, Arkansas."

"You're right... you could be living in... FLORIDA! ICK!"

"See?"

"We should probably devise a list of states that we could get rid of at any time to make room for Puerto Rico."

"You're right. Like a roster."

"Exactly. A 'Second String States' roster."

"States that are just riding the bench."

"Yeah. States that could be cut from the team at any time."

"Put Indiana right there at the top. And Iowa. Oh, and the fucking Dakotas."

"Let us not forget Nebraska. There's nothing there, anyhow."

"I can't seem to find that two foot ceramic christmas tree!! It's GONE! I don't know where the big tree went to!"

"Mom, *I* have it."

"You do?"

"Yes. You gave it to me."

"I did?"

"Yes. You said, and I quote, 'Take this damn thing.'"

"I did?"

"Yes!"

"I don't remember that."

"Do you want it back?"

"Well, of course I do. Why would you want a two foot ceramic tree?"