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Has anyone else noticed that the "fat one" in N*Sync is named Joey Fat one?

BREN'S 3-PART LOTTERY WINNINGS PLAN

Part 1. Win Lottery.

Part 2. Pay off loans / bills / pimp.

Part 3. Purchase / Build dream bar. Name bar "Moe's", or possibly "Sir Ziggfield's Shagger Box".

I majored in fine arts in college. That means I have the right to punch idealists in the throat.

"I'm 19 and I have an opinion! It's valid! I have a voice! I'm 'arty'!"

::punch!::

Online Scrabble trumps actual Scrabble for the following reasons:

1. It calculates your score for you, eliminating the need for basic math skills.

2. You get better letter tiles.

3. It's way, way easier to cheat. Way easier.

4. Built-in dictionary, or, as I call it "The Bullshit Cromulent Detector."

You don't really have to have a good vocabulary to play Scrabble. You'd be surprised how many points you can get out of simple words like "penis" and "vagina".

I live no more than 100 yards away from the biggest DVD collection ever. While the clerks at 20/20 Video don't really recognize me by name, and they show no interest in getting to know me personally, they do remember my face. (And hopefully, my impeccable home video choices! No rentals of "Folks!" for me!)

Also, did you know that "Burbank" is actually the Spanish word for "Sauna"?

It's a whole movie-within-a-movie thing, and takes place in Paris in the 70's. About the time Jason Schwartzbaum's character gets into a ridiculously funny car accident, I'd finished my first bottle of champagne and had moved on the Jim Beam, so goddamn if I remember anything else that happened in this flick.

I could never pull off baby tees that say "Angel."

What does your landlord do when you don't pay the rent? I imagine some sort of torture is involved.

Someone needs to stop cable television right now. Today I was party to the viewing of cow penis smoothie ingestion. This does not make me happy.